I guess it’s hard for me

to process

even believe

that I can be loved

to this degree

I am hurt broken and sad

like a clown

I wear a smile

a mask

I question

could I truly be loved

so beautifully

so wholly

so desirably

I always thought

I loved too hard

too much

way beyond the brim

overflowing

only to face utter ruin

so I gave up

I resorted to my

cave within

where I would work

silently

guarding my heart

from

every passerby

incase I would fall

again

upon a harmless

knock

so I shielded myself

from curious gazes

who have no right

to see my cries

my eyes downcast

my heart empty

afraid to die

once again

I stayed aloof

then you arrived

ruining my life

my walled city

fell to dust

my free spirit

caged once again

yet free once again

by your love

neither here nor there

I’m ruined once again

until we unite

as one again

I love you